lilcrazdmaniac69

so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats what my family is! such children what the fuck is thier problem! i mean i wish theyd leave me alone they r soooooooooo loud, innoying, and just bother me 24/7. i mean GOD cant they just stay out of my life i cant wait until im 18 and have enough $ 2 buy an apartment i just cant wait till i can get out of here. God i cant stand it! thats it this place is going to the dump

well i know its a bit late for this but what ever. so i've decided that for this year in going to lose at least 5 pounds- though i'm gonna go for 10. i mean im not like over weight or anything but i have all this fat that well i hate. and sometimes i wish i could just chp it off but i don't think i'm ganna go so far as to do that. i hate looking in the mirrior. ts like my worst enemy because if you cant see youself at least you can pretend to look nice. but i for one hate my body.which is why i refuse to go swimming. though my fmily are always bugging me to go wit them. i just cant do that but they would never understand. my sisters are all younger then me and think that they will stay thin with all the candy they eat. i could never tell my mom and difenitly not my dad.lo! i could just imagin how that conversation would go. /shudders/ npe never gonna happen. lol:) well i gotta go see ya, lilcrazdmaniac69

hey well this is my first entry and well what do i write? about myself? stories? what? well since im sorta new at this im going to take a wild guess and just tell you adout a problem im having. well im not sure if its really a problem, but what ever. see im jewish so i celebrate chanukah, its he 5th night. it is a tradition in many families to give gift during these 8 nights. you dont have to give one each night you dont even have to give one if yu dont want. well any way my grandma gave me a beautiful necklace, but thats not the problem. my problem is this, every time i get a gift no matter the occasion, it doesnt even have to be a gift its just when im given something, i always feel guilty. i hate that feeling, i feel as if i dont diserve it as if im unworthy. i feel as if ive never done anything in my life t deserve it, and i probably never did. im not a spoiled child or anything and i love helping others,but i never seem to deserve it and i hate it. i feel guilty even if someone thanks me for something ive done for them. i HATE praise isnt that strange? maybe there is something wrong with me, i donno i gotta go see ya, lilcrazdmaniac69